I wept bitterly over my weakness…
When you see the face of a child like this, a little child, you see the trust, the amazement at the slightest little thing; The purest joy and the purest form of innocent, humble faith.
Does his face make you long to remember when you had such a simple life?
Jesus wants this for you too…
Mark 9:33–37
At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”Jesus called a little child to Him and set him in their midst, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like little children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself like this little child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one such little child in My name receives Me.
“But whoever misleads one of these little ones who believe in Me, it would be better for him to have a millstone hung about his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of temptations! For it must be that temptations come, but woe to that man by whom the temptation comes! Therefore if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life lame or maimed than having two hands or two feet to be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than having two eyes to be thrown into the fire of hell.”
(see more in Luke 9:46–50)
In my struggles to be “holy” before God, being ignorant of what that really meant, I read that verse, ” if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away”, and concluded that if my temptation was through my eyes, and they were at that time, I would rather be blind than continue being under the control of my sins. I had left the military, and when my young wife saw I was willing to forgo her security for my moral struggles (I was convinced at that time that being a conscientious objector was what real Christians should be), well, she walked out. She took our little baby and got on a plane and I have only seen him once since that terrible day.
I knew she said she had left because I was not willing to support them but I had known I was suffering under immorality. For 6 months I didn’t eat, barely slept, and read the Bible. The day I read those verses in Mark saying “it is better” to do such things to myself, rather than continue under the power of sin, I took Him literally. I walked outside and began staring at the Georgia summer sun. I stared until my eyes filled with tears. And when I could see still, I knew God would not allow me to hurt myself. I wept bitterly over my weakness; But God did not leave me there.
I was such a raggedy man I could not even keep my own mind in check and I lost everything I loved. I was sure I needed to DO SOMETHING, something to help me to know God, to be at PEACE with Him. I had longed for some time to be RIGHT with God, to “walk in the cool of the day” with Him, unafraid, but I lacked the understanding to know WHAT to do. God’s answer took some time in coming, took some time for me to HEAR, but, for that day, He had sent an angel of a woman to nurse my heart and mind back to health.
I wandered for some time looking for the answer to my question, not realizing God had already answered, LONG AGO.
You know what that question is right?
How can I find PEACE?
Years passed… I had gone into another military trying to win my wife back, but she had already moved on and married someone else; I was just too late. And, seeing I had no reason to stay, I left that service too, the very first chance I got. But that was to not be any better than staying.
So there I was, destitute, broken, REALLY messed up. And so, as I drove away from my last duty station in Virginia, the captain sent out his second in command to ask me to stay (He was worried if I left he would not make his next rank. Some compassion HE had!). “Where will you go”, the second mate said. “You have no skills; You won’t survive.” Though I had still been living under the results of the sins my soul ran to so easily, I had been reading the Bible, and one thing I did know:
If you TRUST in the God the Bible speaks about,
HE WILL SAVE YOU.
I had already seen His hand in my life by then, rescuing me from sure death in a terrible storm on a Coast Guard Search and Rescue Mission I had nearly passed out on. I was nearly swept overboard in 40 foot waves hundreds of miles from shore in the North Atlantic, in JANUARY! I had been sick for three days in those 40 foot waves, what do you expect? So when I stepped out on the pitching deck to try and help I nearly got killed in my stupor. God had saved me, though I paid the price later. But I had seen His Beauty in the perfect design of the calmness of the sea, on another tour, and in the glowing plankton the waves of our ship stirred up one night. So when I was ready to go I said to the Second Mate, “God is with me”, tossed the guy my ship hat, and drove off the base singing Amazing Grace through the tears. I was committed to Jesus, I had no one else.
On the drive down I-95 to the place a lady was holding for me, in North Carolina, I again saw God’s hand when my van unexpectedly broke down. I only had enough money to eat and look for work, once I got where I was going and paid the first month’s rent. So, because I was not mechanically inclined, I had NO idea what to do to fix whatever was wrong. I was worried. But I had been practicing Trusting God, so, as I stepped out on the side of the freeway, in the dark, to take a look. I said out loud, “Well LORD Jesus, if you don’t show me what to do, I am done.” And as I looked into the dark compartment of the engine it was as if a slight light shined in, like a tiny pen flashlight real low on batteries. And there, in the darkness of the VW van engine compartment, was a broken wire slightly highlighted, among all those other wires I had no clue about. I knew He had answered me as I said, “Fix that one eh?” I stripped the wires with my pocket knife and spun the ends together. “Vroom!”, went the VW, when I turned the ignition over, and off we went. Now that was hearing God.
All people long to have that kind of day-by-day, intimate interaction with God. Some days it feels like I have Him right by me, and then other days I’d rather He was in the other room, if you know what I mean. Years have passed since, and I have seen many wonderful things. God even sent a couple of missionaries ALL THE WAY from Peru JUST to rescue me when I was near starvation and mentally exhausted. And then He sent me to a new wife, and a whole new family, but that’s a story for another day. Suffice to say for now, I have learned God does what He says, and He will answer if you “only believe.”
So, what are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?
When Jesus was asked by some “experts” in religion when the Kingdom of God would come, as they tried day after day to trip Him up and prove He was not the Messiah, Jesus said, “The kingdom of God does not come with observation. Nor will they say, ‘Here it is!’ or ‘There it is!’ For remember, the kingdom of God is within you.”
A lady I would like to have met before she went home to Jesus, a lady who has seen more sorrow than 1000 people, used to say that, after all her long years (she was over 90), she is convinced every moment of our lives is used by God to draw us closer to Him. After the years I have been walking with Him, which are not as long as Corrie’s, but long enough to have enough under my belt to know, I can say this: She was exactly right about that; God uses every second of your life to draw you closer to Him. How YOU respond to His drawing is your responsibility.
What is good?
It took me a long, hard, excruciatingly painful road to learn God can be trusted. Why?-Because He loves you. So, try and learn from me, walk with Him already; Take His Big, Able Hand, as a little child does his daddy’s, and don’t look back.
He has told you, O man, what is good—
and what does the Lord require of you,
but to do justice and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?
(Micah 6:8 MEV)
Is there anyone MORE humble than a little child?
Patrick Burwell
Director
OnlyJesusSaves.com
